Being inside the box

One of the challenges facing employees these days is the reality of feeling boxed in professionally while jumping ship is hard to do in this economy. 

The picture: Your salary is frozen at 2007 levels, you cannot get the needed staffing support, more work comes your way, big bosses are still getting raises (and staffing support), you are not getting access to the high profile projects in order to grow and succeed in your role...in short, you are being boxed into a corner of stagnation.

This can happen for many reasons but the usual reason is a perception from one individual with the power of the puppet strings. They may fear your strength and see blocking access for you as a safety measure, they may be discriminating based on gender, race etc., they may be mommy/daddy tracking you, your overall dissatisfaction with your job may be shining through and you just do not seem interested in more work/bigger roles, you might be so swamped trying to manage the load you already carry that more meetings and projects has become impossible.

I am saying here that whatever the reason, it is time to be building your escape plan, unless you enjoy being disrespected that is...but what to do in the meantime? Learn all you can by taking every training program possible (ask for more training), complete all outstanding projects with class, speak up in all the most positive ways you can think of, collaborate with co-workers where you can, clean up and out your office/cubicle/desk, clean up you computer files, update your resume, build your reference base, begin to explore jobs on the Internet (not at work)...print these postings out and keep them as a reminder of what is out there...compare salaries...make a solid plan, think about where you want to be in a year. What do you need to do to get there? Maybe your current employer pays for classes (one way to get your salary back).

Meet with a career counselor/coach to set goals and devise a step by step plan and to help you stay on track. They will not do the work for you but will help your motivation and correct some bad habits. Keep in mind that you have access to Career Services as an alumni of a university. If you did not go to college, look for employment one stop centers in your area (they are free or very low cost).

We all feel stuck at one point or another. I tend to think that this feeling is what lets us know it is truly time to move on. This can mean a new role in the company or a new company. Either way, if you do this with forethought and planning, it will make life better. Do not jump too fast based upon unhappiness.

(Remember, all of what I said above is not based upon harassment in the workplace. This is a truly serious and illegal occurrence. HR and potentially lawyers will need to be brought into the process).

Happy 2010 and new beginnings for us all! Stay tuned...

Out with the old...

Well here we are at the edge of 2009 leaning into the void to try for the first glimpse of what is to come. I don't know about you, but I am very excited. This current year has been filled with wonderful times for me and mine but has also had its share of challenges, hurts and plain old bad ideas. Just around the corner begins not only a new year but a new decade.
In this coming year my son will begin high school, my daughter will start 7th grade (what?), Mark will hit the one year anniversary of his new job (3 weeks in so far), I will re-learn my Spanish, rehab my knee (still pain free people), finally paint my kitchen, email less, use the phone more, keep up with my blog with weekly updates (really, I will), spend more time with friends (hear that Hula Honeys), think before I volunteer yet again, reinvent myself professionally, put myself a tiny bit closer to the top of my own to do list and giggle a whole lot more.
As I look around at the mosaic patterns that create my life's portrait...I am happy with who I am and with the people in my life. My universe has been expanding the past few months with re-found friends and family and for this I am blessed...you know who you are!
I have come through many a stumble over the past decade by just standing up and finishing the race. It has not always been pretty, but I have finished. I have learned a great deal about myself from my choices, good and bad. Some important people have come in and out of my life and I have learned that you should just not open the door for some folks if you know what I mean (and yes, you too know who you are). In the end, all is forgiven...I forgive myself for being profoundly human and whatever...it will make a great book one day.
So, get out there and thoroughly enjoy the dwindling days of 2009. We shall never pass this way again except in out own memory rewrites.
Avanti!

Hiring Managers and Karma

I want to first say that not everyone in the business of recruiting/hiring is doing this and for those of you staying true to the highest of principles during this bad economy, thank you!

BUT...
Hey all of you folks out there in the business of posting jobs, receiving resumes, setting up interviews, interviewing, making hiring decisions etc... I know you are busy, but...

I am working with students (undergraduate and graduate level), new alums entering the workforce, well trained and highly skilled alums with years of experience, colleagues in search of work, friends and family who have been laid off...you get my drift...I am working with people across the entire spectrum of careers, professional specializations, skills sets, ages, gender, ethnic groups and so on...they have at least two things in common:

1.) They are in search of a job

2.) They feel that during the process, they have been treated in an appalling way by organizations seeking employees

The complaints go like this: (some of these have always been so and some are clearly new in the game)

1.) No response: They send a resume and do not even get a simple email response (which can be automated people!) to notify the sender of receipt of the resume/cover letter. There is apparently a huge black hole circling the Earth like a ring of Saturn sucking up all the resumes and cover letters. How else to explain the dead air that greets so many applicants?

2.) HR is outsourced so they are talking to an HR person in Idaho for a job in San Diego. The HR firm clearly has no real idea about the structure of the office for which the person is applying and therefore the details shared about reporting structure, office setting, interview dates and so on have little, if any, bearing in reality. I am working with someone who has now been told 3 different individuals will be his supervisor for this one job. We figure he will find out once he actually begins his job.

3.) In house HR offices have been downsized to the point of insanity. One person is now HR, recruiting, payroll, and even operations! This may explain 1 and 2 above but it does not explain the organizational decision to do this in the first place. My grandmother used to call this "penny-wise, pound foolish"!

4.) The number of interviews being conducted to get to the point of an offer has gotten completely out of hand. I know someone who went on 12 interviews (yes, I said 12) only to lose the job in the last round once the VP determined he was over 50! Twelve interviews for one job...give me a break, do you really think that many people need to be in the process? If yes, they for heaven sake...have you heard of panel interviews! The candidate felt as thought the window washer would be called in next to give his opinion. Don't even get me started on the visual of the VP using the date of college graduation to actually do the math on the resume to calculate the applicant's age!!!

5.) The timeline from job posting to phone screen to first on site interview to potential offer has become nothing short of a torturous marathon with very little respect shown for the individual wanting to work for your organization. Here we are nearing pumpkin time and I have candidates being called for interviews for jobs they applied to in July!

The smugness of a company figuring they can drag this on as for long as they feel like is callous and not ethical. I have heard people near the top say, "well if they don't like it they can withdraw from the process"...really?...can they? Easy to say when you have a job. Try thinking that way when you are on COBRA, paying your own life insurance and your unemployment is about to give out. Or how about saying this when you are renting out your home to pay the mortgage (so you don't lose your home) as you sleep on the sofa of a friend. Or say this to me when you are actually talking about selling blood/plasma to pay bills. (All real and happening to people I am working with right now!)

6.) How about the company who is cynically hiring the new college graduate with the intent of using them up at the lowest pay they can get away with based on the downturn in the economy. Can you sleep at night? Would you encourage your own kid to take this job? Would you take this job? What happens down the road when this new talent won't touch you based on the reputation you have?

7.) Discrimination based on any protected category because you can get away with it. You think it is not obvious, but it is...go to Glassdoor.com and read about yourself...not as opaque as you thought huh?.

Believe me, the bad deeds are shared on blogs, newsletters, in coffee shops, among friends, with career counselors and coaches. Memories will be long after this one folks.

I have names, I have companies, I have seen this terrible side of the economic downturn and I am saddened and appalled. It is tough out there, but human courtesy to people looking for work should be the norm in the best of times and is incredibly necessary at the worst of times. People are hurting and even when they do not provide a fit for what you need, you can be civil and professional in your treatment. A simple thank you for considering us but...would be fantastic.

So, just keep in mind that people will remember this behavior and when the table turns (as it will as anyone in the HR field knows), these skilled and currently out of work people will be sought after, they will be the same people you will try your darnedest to recruit...and they will remember. I know I will.

Last gripe...Okay giant software companies who do not believe in telecommuting...what dinosaur did you ride in on?

Birthdays, agreements and ravings

August is birthday month for me and that means I have spent the month leading up to my birthday re-evaluating my life and looking at the balance of what I bring in to my days and what I return to the universe. I like to think of this as my own sense of being sustainable. For me to take and take and take without giving back would not be a life well-lived.

I am a counselor and coach by profession and I spend my days supporting, advocating, hugging, challenging and considering the people who walk into my office or into my life. I choose to do this as my career because I find joy in helping people uncover their skills, dreams, greatest gifts, values and callings.

Sometimes the journey is hard for the both of us and sometimes I must challenge long held assumptions on the part of my client; and mine as well. The wonder in what I do has often become evident in just how much a particular person will give back to me at my roughest moments, and they may never even know they have done so. We seem to cross one another’s paths at the moment we both need renewal.

As the world turns another revolution for me on my grand adventure, I am setting a slightly shifted course with deeper conviction. I will say what needs to be said when it must be said. I will show those I love just how much I care, I will laugh more (yes, imagine that all of you who see me giggle quite a bit already), I will be honest with myself, I will make my health central to all I do, I will listen with more intention and I will let go of the past petty feelings of hurt. I will try to remember the four agreements:

Be Impeccable with Your Word:

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't Take Anything Personally:

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't Make Assumptions:

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best:

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
~ Don Miguel Ruiz

So, what needs to be said right now?
~ I am sorry for hurting your feelings.
~ I should have been more patient this morning.
~ You look beautiful in that color.
~ I am proud you are my daughter.
~ You are the best son a mom could ever imagine.
~ I love you Mark.
~ Health care IS a right. We do not have to have written that in the Constitution for it to be true.
~ Get over it already!
~ Tolerance is not enough, inclusion is the goal.
~ We must reach across our differences and find the points of intersection that make us “family”.
~ Time IS running out.
~ Shirley, I miss you.
~ Anne, would you like to “do coffee”?
~ I have some of the most amazing co-workers in the world!
~ I hate filing but have learned that color coding can make it bearable.
~ I am a fan of Gumby.
~ The glass is half full and there must be a pony in here somewhere!
~ I am following a dream, living my reality, striving for better, remaining grateful for what I have, thanking my ancestors; I am feeling rich.
~ I miss my grandparents.
~ I believe rape and domestic violence ARE hate crimes.
~ FOX News should be ashamed.
~ Dick Cheney scares me, like the devil when I was a child.
~ John Stewart deserves a medal.
~ We do ration health care, by wealth. Did you see the line in LA today for people trying to access basic care? Did you see the research that shows that rich people live significantly longer than the poor in this country. Did you see Glenn Beck bitch and rage about how US health care sucks right after his last surgery but apparently now he feels we have the greatest system on earth? Earth to Glenn?
~ Why is it socialist to provide health care but not to access Medicare or go to public school?
~ Why are you un-American when you stand up to protest an unjust war in meetings run by Republicans but you are a loyal American when you stand up to shout out a Democrat trying to gather input in a town hall meeting?
All heat, no light.

Scenarios and tips for the real career world

These come from real life happening in the world of job seekers.

1.}You are applying for a position in organization ABC, gathering data from
networking resources (yes); informational interviewing with contacts
in organization and field (yes); emailing CEO for advice on where this role is
leading with super-friendly, gushing, non-professional email (on my no!).

2.}Finding out about a job posting and deferring applying until you are
100% ready, or because you have all this stuff to do...(no!).

3.}Randomly sending resumes for every open position within
an organization (No! this shows lack of focus and hints at desperation.

4.} Believing that networking and stalking are basically the same thing :-)
(wrong...one is a great job search tool and the other leads to
restraining orders). Show initiative and eagerness for the job without calling or emailing every 72 hours. Be respectful and persistent.

5.} Sending the same resume to all the jobs you apply for.Do the
positions all have the same title? Then why would the same resume work? I interviewed someone once who clearly had a cover letter that was not supported by the resume. The cover letter was accurate but she had not taken the time to update and target her resume for the role. It was a clear disconnect and showed lack of attention to detail and enthusiasm for the position.

6.} Informational interviews are job searches in disguise...not! This is the fastest way to ruin your chances and the chances of those who come
after you...very bad form and ethically a huge no-no.

7.} Sending 100 resumes out to postings on Craig's list constitutes a job
search...wrong! You must actually leave the room to be doing a job
search. Statistics indicate that 80% of jobs are found through networking while roughly 20% of job searchers ever use this route.This means, 80% of people are
searching jobs online, where 20% of the jobs are posted while only 20% are networking into 80% of the open positions; you do the math!

8.} Networking is nepotism...only if you are jealous of great
networkers. Most people who succeed with networking have spent hours
building and feeding their professional network, they find a job lead
and follow it, it is usually the 3rd level of contacts that pays off
for them. Networking in it's true sense is not finding a job at your uncle Bernie's CPA firm...it is instead, building relationships that are professionally reciprocal
moving forward.

9.} I have a degree from XXX so I deserve $$$ for my first job and I expect to live like my parents do now. Question: Have you actually seen a photo of your
parent's first apartment? You must and will pay your dues it is time to grow up
and accept it. You will be a better person for the struggles (and you
will remember these times always). Be brave, give up the feeling of
being entitled...no one is.

10.} Someone got a better break than me because they are...fill in the
blank. Well, maybe they did, or maybe they were actually more
qualified. Do not waste your time on why, pick yourself up, move
forward, find your support system and earn the professional respect.

11.} Some of your bosses will suck, some with inspire, some with be absent
minded, some will be micro-managers, some will claim your work as
theirs (take it back), some will be stingy, some will be absent, some
will not see your talent; learn form them how to be a great boss and how not
to be a jerk.

12.} Don't bring soup, your best friend or your mom to your job
interview.

13.} Never lie or misspell on your resume.

14.} Be who you are in your interview, makes it easier to remember who you
are on the first day of work.

15.} Do not buy your new suit the day before the interview.

16.} Personal scents should never announce your arrival or be the reason
you are remembered several hours after you have left the building.

17.} If you can hear your earrings when you walk...they are not meant for
an interview.

18.} Shaking hands is an art form: do not try to steal the jewelry, grasping
a discreet Kleenex can solve the sweaty hand thing, the limp fish I do
not rally want to touch you hand shake is frankly creepy and holding
on longer than 3 seconds is into that uncomfortable zone. Please look someone in the eye when you shake hands.

19.} Never apologize for who you are. Your life has brought you to this day (both good and bad). Do you really want to work for someone who makes you feel like less than you are, or can be?

20.} In short, life is funny, sometimes crappy, and often beautiful...enjoy
the ride, laugh at yourself and giggle at the total absurdity of what
we count as success. Be comfortable with ambiguity, the best answer is often "it depends".

oh yeah, have a blast...

This may be a jobless recovery

Take a chance on applying for the job.

If you have 70-80% of the skills needed and can learn the rest quickly, apply.

Think broadly about what you might want to do but don’t waste your energy on mass mailings for any and every job. This is not useful for you and can really anger HR folks.

Update and target your resume for the job.

Make sure something you say in your cover letter exists on your resume.

Know what salary you need and stick to it (if it is indeed based in reality for this universe).

Always thank everyone who has helped you in the process, they will remember and will help you again the next time around.

If you offer to be a networking help, please do so. I have seen the best and the worst. I know someone who had a company resource who kept him up to date on the search process and went to bat for him numerous times in the process (wow). I also know someone who had a contact who promised the world but never delivered. Jobs were posted by the organization over and over without a single word from the “contact”. I would wonder how dedicated a networker she was or how connected.

Don’t eliminate a contact because they may seem junior in role. If they are a great employee and show enthusiasm for connecting, they can be a hugely positive resource. Titles do not mean you are a great resource.

Please be on LinkedIn. Have a good profile, be connected, join groups that are relevant, have recommendations. Add your link to the bottom of your resume.

Shake off the downtimes. It can be incredibly difficult out there right now. Yes, I have a job, but my husband is looking, dear friends are looking, and I work in career services. I see the new grads looking for work, the alumnae returning to get the needed resources because they have been laid off and I read the endlessly challenging business news. I feel the anxiety; I am living the life right now.

Employers, please send a simple one line email that says, hey; got your resume, we are swamped and we will call you if you fit the role. Simple but huge to the thousands of people seeking work minute by minute.

To job seekers and hiring managers: if we cannot be our best selves now, then when?

If you are out of work, update your skills, network (don’t tell me you don’t have time to network), learn that new software, take the community college class that will give you skills in grant writing, fundraising, computer technology, writing, project management. Don’t forget to network while you are there.

Hiring managers: be patient with the anxiety you are seeing and the resumes you receive. There is a person behind the paper. They have families to raise, mouths to feed, mortgages to pay. They are scared and they are sometimes desperate. You have a job, at least for now. There but for the grace of….

Interview Reality

What to do before the interview:
Research the organization and industry
Company websites, networking, internet
Analyze the position
Job posting, informational interviews, career center assistance, ONet
Review your qualifications
Compare your skills to posting requirements, be honest
Consider applying to a posting where you have at least 70-80% of the needed skills
Think about salary needs
Practice
Mock interviews are highly useful in spotting interview weaknesses and strengths
Contact your college career office to set one up

What to do that day:
Know where you are going and how to get there
Do not drink too much coffee or water
Be early but not too early (15 minutes is useful)
Use the restroom
Bring breath mints
Bring tissue for sweaty hands
You can keep this in a pocket to squeeze just before shaking hands
Hold items in left hand to keep your right hand free for shaking hands
Bring extra copies of your resume, cover letter and references

Best Practices for Success:
Never be late
Introduce yourself with a firm handshake but don’t crush the fingers
Practice this with friends and ask for feedback
Dress relatively conservatively but be yourself
In general, I often suggest that you wear what someone in this organization might wear to an important meeting
No gum or fragrances
Good grooming is crucial
Clean hair, minimize jewelry, play down makeup, clean nails, no chipped polish
Use a briefcase or portfolio, no backpacks
Only bring one item to carry, leave the purse at home
No cell phones ringing please, turn them off for the interview

What employers say they want:
Be comfortable with yourself, we liked your resume so we are interested in you
Know why you want to work here and when you can start
The objective listed on your resume should match the job
Look at our website, please!
Be assertive in telling us what you have to offer
Have depth to your answers and questions, tell stories, we want to get to know you
Be specific about examples, tell me what you can do for my company
Be adaptable to change
Please have questions to ask otherwise I think you don’t really care about where you work

General categories of interview questions:
General
Tell me about yourself
What are your strengths?
Behavioral
Tell me about a specific time…
Give me an example of…
Case
A complex problem involving issues or situations where you need to come up with an answer
Note: You may be provided a scenario and given a certain time to come up with a solution to a concern

Lunch or dinner interview tips:
Still be on your best behavior, this is not a party
Avoid controversial topics or careless talk
No cell phone ringing, this is an interview and all the above rules apply
Order the mid-priced meals
Take small bites so that you can answer questions in a timely manner and without a mouth full of food
Consider eating before you arrive so you are not ravenous during the interview
No alcohol, ever, ever…no alcohol
Understand the table setting, using from the outside in
Remember the b & d tip: make the small letter b with your left hand and the small letter d with your right hand…this will help you remember where your bread (b) and drink (d) are located on a large table
Napkin should be on your lap
Talk with other guests but do not focus your conversation on any one individual, don’t flirt
Say thank you at the end of the event

Tell me about yourself:
Keep your comments focused on information the employer can use to determine your qualifications for and interest in the field, do not stray into the personal arena
Discuss future career goals
Education
Experience
Enthusiasm for the field

Some questions you may want to ask:
What is the biggest challenge facing this group/organization?
What are some typical 1st year assignments?
How would you describe the management style in this organization?
Exactly what kind of background are you looking for?
Do you have any concerns about my background that I can answer now?

Follow-up time:
Write down what went well and what you can improve upon for next time
Mail or email a thank you letter (mail is always my first choice)
Contact employer in a week to express your continued interest
Continue to send out resumes to other potential employers, never wait for one employer to respond before you begin your work on the next opportunity
There is no time to waste in this market
Do salary survey work based upon new insights into the position

Take care of yourself, treat yourself to something small but special for having an interview. This is worth feeling good about.

Discrimination:

Discrimination, you know it when you feel it. Sometimes you just know it is there even when those around you fail to notice. It is in the way someone looks at you, the way they say your name, and the way they exclude you form a process or a promotion or even the opportunity to get a job. It is in the way someone tries to figure out your ethnic background or age through a biased review of your resume. It is being eliminated from consideration because you went to a state school. It is being removed from consideration in the first 45 seconds of an interview based upon the vague dislike of a search team member. It is being called too liberal or too conservative or just not a right fit.

You may find discrimination in the offices of companies big and small, in the halls of colleges and universities, in board rooms, in classrooms, in lunchrooms and even in access to bathrooms. Discrimination can be because you are a person of color, have a visible disability, are female, male or transgender, because you are gay, rich, poor, did not go to Harvard, wear too many earrings, because you are not a person of color and because of age. The list can go on much beyond this but I have to stop someplace.

I have seen bias raise its ugly head in the process of hiring for an open position. Sometimes the bias is against anyone from outside the organization, or from within. Often the bias is against a woman moving into a “man’s role” or vice versa. Just think about the rules surrounding male teachers these days due to fear of sexual abuse, despite all of the recent evidence suggesting that female educators can also be prone to crossing the line with their students.

One recent saga from the world of job interviewing involves the obvious calculating of someone’s age in an interview by asking how long they had been at all of the prior listed positions. The candidate had been highly successful up to this final interview. What changed? The clear answer based on the jotting of numbers by the interviewer was age. This candidate was clearly now known to be over 50 and was out of the running despite internal hiring protests. A clearly younger hiring manager was uncomfortable with having an older employee no matter the qualifications and experience. The age barrier also works in reverse. I have seen clients balk at working with a career counsel younger than themselves based upon a perception that the counselor will not be able to understand their issues despite years of training and a degree in the field. Younger workers are also often hired due to being able to work longer hours and be paid less…or that is the assumption.

This brings me to parenthood. We mothers know the signs subtle and not so subtle. I was once told that I would be much farther along in my career if I had just not taken that time off (to raise my children was left unsaid but we both knew the name of the elephant in the room). I also know that being a mother has created a mommy track of sorts; my husband also finds himself in a sort of daddy track because he actually wants to coach soccer and softball teams and does not want to be away from home 50% of his life. It is clear that the old system of rewarding punishing lifestyle choices is out of whack with the new ways we wish to work.

I have seen search teams that have been all white or all women of color when it seems clear to me that in this day and age this should never happen. I have reviewed top management of companies and have seen mainly white guys with a few women and a select number of people of color. It seems the standard of hiring who you know creates a system for recreating insular communities of the past, all of one color, race, gender, socio-economic class, and political leanings and so on. If we do not force ourselves to be aware of this happening then we will be condemning our children to trying to “fix” it down the road. Isn’t it time we moved beyond tolerance to inclusion?

It is vital that we bring about the changes and open the conversations on our own. Whenever government or group think gets involved we end up with rules that no one finds quite as liberating as they sounded initially. Have you ever listened to a speech on eliminating discrimination that left you more confused than when you began? We all have. You walk out of a room with a list of don’ts but few ideas on how to create a new and vibrant, inclusive community. I suggest that in our best moments, we know exactly what this would look like but are too afraid to make a suggestion for fear of being ridiculed or labeled. We must ask the tough questions, make the suggestions, and have the courageous conversations.

Truth be told, we are hurting one another daily by denying access to the basics of a wonderful life. When you impact someone’s ability to work, you impact their sense of worth, their families, and their communities. You also deny yourself the opportunity to discover a new and exciting talent with maybe just the right skills, just what you really need. I challenge you to move beyond your comfort zone and take the “risk” on hiring someone for a role that is outside the accepted “norm” in your community. Think freely, act boldly, hire the old guy, the wise Latina, the lawyer without the Harvard pedigree, the lesbian firefighter, and change the world one person at a time.

You know discrimination when you feel it…on either side of the table; as the perpetrator or the recipient. It is alive and well and it seems not only the good ole boy network is doing it now. Equal opportunity to deny access is not success or change.

Leadership by Influence vs. Control…

I watched a speech by the former president Bill Clinton this weekend. He spoke to the subject of Iran and attempts to lead by control rather than by influence. His words rang true and I began to reflect on this concept globally and locally.

In the global community, at home, or in our working lives, we each have daily opportunities to show leadership. How do we choose to lead?

We must choose to lead by influence, by example. When we turn on the TV news, we are clearly confronted by the images people who say one thing and then do another. We see countries where leaders choose to try to remain in control of the hearts and minds of people by trying to eliminate the prospects for thought sharing and for disagreements with a proposed approach. They truly believe that by controlling the physical bodies of someone, they will have a say over their hearts and minds. Clearly, the uprisings of young people in Iran, the sharing of ideas via the internet and the cries for freedom literally being heard around the world have made this impossible. Even the raised voices in the dark of night speak clearly to influence over control.

In our own country, we still have neo-cons in politics raising their voices to scream about how we must take some sort of control in Iran. They do not appear to have noticed that the very presence of our recent changes in government already show our solidarity with the people of Iran. They stand again, on the wrong side of history. They are trying to remain in control of a time already passed.

We have no business telling the protesters in Iran just how they should walk forward or how to set up a “democracy”. I am assured that they can and will set up a system of their own and the world will work with them as the change unfolds, but this is not our moment, it is theirs. The horror and the beauty belong to them as it belonged to us in our own revolution many nights back. We can support them by messages large and small and by making sure we do not give the powers that be any reason to clamp down on a blossoming movement for change. It is imperative that we do not become central to the internal discussion in Iran.

At home, as parents, we really do not have the ability to just say, “because I said so” anymore. If we do not try to answer the tough questions raised by our children, they will seek answers elsewhere. We will be left behind as they change and grow. Our best means for staying connected is to have influence, again, not control. Influence is the voice in their hearts that asks what mom or dad would think about a choice. This brake on potentially dangerous decisions comes from a respectful collaboration between parent and child. It comes from a place where your child cares about what you think. Control breeds rebellion because it suggests a secret knowledge owned by the adults. When a teenager begins to discover that us grownups are all just trying to figure it out as we go, they can either look at us with compassion because we have been engaging with them openly about our concerns and challenges, or they can look at us with disgust because we have put up a front of being the “expert”.

At work, we all have had the boss who feels insulted and challenged by any disagreement with something they have decided. There is no way to respectfully share your ideas because to do so can actually threaten your livelihood. An insecure and controlling supervisor may succeed in their very small fiefdom but they will never have influence over the long term path of the organization. Without influence, you will always be purely a cog, no matter what title you may obtain. Leading by control does not bring influence, and never brings respect.

How do you choose to lead?

Review, rejuvenate and rededicate...

Look back;
now let it go...
take care of yourself...
find new reasons for doing what you enjoy, for making a difference, for working at your job, for life...

At the end of every year, our office meets in various groupings for a "retreat" (I have never been a fan of that word, preferring the term "advance" instead). We look at what we have done over the year, review our success, evaluate our less than successful endeavors and begin to plan for the coming academic year.

This evaluation reminds me that as humans, we are quick to forget the day to day mountains we climb but we are much more adept at keeping track of our own (and other's) perceived failures.

My personal management belief flows from the concept that if you are not missing the mark sometimes then you are not trying anything new, you are remaining too safely tucked away from any 'danger zone' and you are not learning or growing...you are certainly not providing innovative resources. Being creative is risky and sometimes you will fall...be bold, be able to try something new; be willing to miss the mark and recreate again next time.

To rejuvenate, we all need to be as healthy as we can be. We live in a world where stress has become the norm and is even celebrated in some circles. I understand the meaning behind challenging our minds and bodies to grow stronger, but this is not the stress I am talking about. I am addressing the daily insults, the moment by moment denigration that can happen in this world and often takes place at work. This is the stress that causes weight gain, raises blood pressure, makes people drink too much, leaves us all so tired at the end of the day that we never get around to working in the garden, reading that book, playing with our kids or our pets, knitting the sweater, or talking with friends on the phone.

The call for life work balance is truly a call for being treated like an adult in the workforce. It is a call for being allowed the dignity of having a life outside of the office, for not being asked to account for our days in a minute by minute poll of measured success where all the measurement variables are set by someone else.

So, this summer...sit outside in the evening more (go to a sidewalk cafe or a local park if you live in an apartment), pick a book or subscribe to a new magazine to read that is not career related, walk the dog instead of just letting them out in the yard, go to dinner with friends you miss and care about, have friends over for a dinner party, go swimming (and do not worry about how your thighs look...just enjoy the feel of the water), watch the birds, listen to the breeze, run, walk, dance, sing, laugh...rejuvenate your body, mind and soul.

Oh, and if you have been putting off the visit to the doctor, dentist etc...go before the end of July!

To rededicate means to find the new meaning in what you do and how you live. What are those values that create your core but you have left on the side of the road? Be you, forgive silly grievances, forget the hurts that hold you back. Search your heart for the place where the 8 year old you lives. Pick up from there and rededicate your life to enjoying the journey and finding the magical moments in every bend in the road.

Happy almost June!

Summer Thoughts

Happy almost June...

The official first day of summer is just around the corner. For many of us in higher education, summer has arrived; students have graduated or are working at new internships, backpacking the globe, working for much needed cash, enjoying family and friends, working through summer classes, updating Facebook and LinkedIn profiles, texting and talking away the hours...being alive in 2009.

Each year, I watch a new group of amazing Mills Women and men walk across the stage to accept their degree and head out into uncharted waters and now more than ever, uncertain times.

Each year, I cry.

I cry for the smiles and shared moments I will miss, I cry for the joy of knowing how hard the students have worked in and out of the classroom to reach this moment. I cry with pride and happiness for their achievements. I cry because I have held my breath for years as our students have taken chances, faced obstacles, found their footing, raised their voices, whispered their hopes, shared their fears, reached for their dreams, and because they now leave this campus and we know they will change the world.

I cry because I am so very proud to have known these young women, if only for a brief time.

Values

Who are you?
What matters to you?
How will you make a positive difference in this world?
Where will you make your stand?
What is your legacy to the future?

These are crucial questions to ask yourself as you leave one job for another, graduate from school, decide upon your career path and evaluate your daily work life. Each of these questions ties into your core values. A core value is something that you hold dear which drives your behavior and motivates your actions. It is something that you know must be present in your actions each and every day.

Now, that is not to say that we know what these values are just naturally and that we have a clear understanding of their importance to own happiness. We grow, we learn, we dig deep and we find out one day just what our final “straw” is, the “thing” that we will not back away from, the value(s) that make us everything we are in this world and that are the core of the goodness and kindness we pass along to those in our lives and beyond.

The "aha moment" is often crucial to helping us define what is core to our way of being. This is the ethical decision we find we must make one day, the time to stand up against a bully or the moment we have to choose a path to take. Following your truth is not always the easy route to take. There will be tests, there will be moments you will falter. In the final analysis, you will find passion for your journey when your values and life align.

A core value is integral to who you are but it reaches its highest level of expression when it is beyond you. It is the sense of right livelihood that means more than a corner office or a fancy car. A core value brings a smile that comes from inner contentment. It is the sense that you have done the right thing at the right time for all the right reasons. A career path that allows for the full expression of who you really are, allows for your values to be front and center; this will be a career journey that will bring you joy.

Walk in light!

Transitions

Happy spring everyone!!!

Well, I had the full intention of staying super current with my blog...then life happened!

Tons of kid stuff from sports to doctor and dentist and orthodontist appointments to piano lessons, trips to Quebec (my amazing 7th grade son), trips to the Headlands (my equally amazing 5th grade daughter), spring concerts, resume reviews galore, reports, meetings, visits to my mother-in-law, academic politics (it's true!), career fairs that work and those that go poof overnight, LinkedIn, Facebook, speaking events, student crisis moments (choosing majors), more resume reviews, kitchen remodel (granite in this week, cabinets are done...but heaven only knows the paint color we will choose)...Mark is in major networking and job search phase but with no solid luck yet (of the paying variety)...he has had the great fortune to reconnect with colleagues and friends and to really think about what he wants to do. he knows that he may not get the "dream" job this time around but realizes that this "gift" of time is valuable in and of itself. hey, and just maybe that really cool job is just around the corner...did I mention resume edits?

I also lost a friend and mentor this month. Shirley Weishaar hired me into Mills College and was always a support system and role model. Shirley walked away from her long and amazing struggle with cancer just over one week ago. I say she walked away because simple cancer could never win anything against Shirley. Her body was tired and she felt it was time to see what was on the other side. In her passing, she again teaches me about strength, focus and how to use my gift of life to leave a legacy.

So...transitions happen, in all moments and each and everyday. Some are small, some are momentous. As long as we are here, however, it is our "job" to get up each day and keep moving forward.

A job search in the best of times can be soul crushing...and in this economy, it can be worse (believe it or not). This means that you need to create and feed a support system of friends, colleagues and family to help you along the way; and you can return the favor.

You must also take responsibility for helping yourself. The jobs are not out there with your name on them. No matter what fancy school you attended or how many letters follow your name, you are going to have to put the time in to get the job you want.

Did I also mention, you need to actually leave the room! A job search is never complete if it is only conducted online. There is more to getting a job than answering postings (a passive approach for sure!) and all the research in the world will not convince someone to hire you. I cannot underscore enough just how much you need to get out and connect. You must be seen and heard...you must network in your field. The return will not be overnight but I guarantee that you will see results. The jobs are always there but they are often "hidden"...and even more so now. To network is to take a chance on yourself, to believe in yourself. This can be the key to getting someone to take a chance on you!

Leave the room! It is spring and you are in charge of your future.

Never Waste a Good Challenge

February has brought both gifts and challenges. My husband, Mark was laid off from his job at the end of January and is busy updating his resume, doing research on organizations, thinking about what it is exactly he wants to do, getting in touch with his network, building leads and setting goals with a timeline for reaching said goals.

Now, of course, he is married to a career counselor and this helps him stay on track. But I also have to say that he has taken this turn of events as an opportunity for re-evaluation and self-reflection. At the same time, however, he also realizes that the opportunity to totally reinvent himself may not be present at this point in the world's economic situation. We own a home and are parents to 2 wonderful children. Bills come due and job searches are taking record time for many.

I am looking at Mark's process and utilizing it to extrapolate to the advice I would give my clients and the students I assist in career development. It is evident to me that there are times when the world allows us more latitude to explore all options and to day dream and let the universe take us where it might. We are not in one of those times. This is not a time we have the gift of going with the flow.

May I suggest that if you are employed you may want to consider staying where you are for the time being. Instead of jumping ship, use the period to add to your skill set through classes, workshops, professional affiliations, and just plain old trying new projects and roles with your current employer. This will go a long way to enabling you to be ready to fly when the time is right and the economoy turns around. All of this applies, of course, to a job that is not dangerous to your health, safety, or well being in any way at all. Do not allow the hiring crunch to make you subordinate to a bully or to have someone force you to betray your ethics or morals. Have a plan, train yourself, set goals, get a timeline in mind, be flexible, apply for positions that look worthwhile but do not quit until you have something else fully lined up.

In addition, for students graduating, you must keep in mind that you are entering a highly competitive market where individuals with some years of experience are completing for the job you want. You MUST prepare to be competitive: do that internship, prepare the best resume you can (please get help with this from someone in your campus career office), write a professional and clear cover letter, do mock interviews to prepare, make connections, tell everyone you know that you are looking for work in a specific area...come up with a 30-45 second elevator speech (your commercial) that introduces you, says what you bring to the situation and closes with an ask...the thing you need. Please don't just say I need a job doing anything. Being specific will allow those you meet to offer guided and specific assistance. In short, do whatever you can to make it easier for your network to help you, ask them in a professional way for their help and know what you need.

Do not wait until 2 weeks before (or after) you graduate to visit with Career Services. The staff there is a link to the world of work. They are connected to where you want to be. They have the leads you need. If they know you, they can connect you. However, do not expect placement. Anyone that brags about outrageous placement numbers is purely playing a numbers game. They do not really care where they place you, just that you are in some sort of job. To them, placment numbers are a marketing tool.

I would suggest that you would be better served to work with a career counselor/coach who truly cares about your career goals and helping you get there through bridge jobs, graduate school or internships that are a fit for you personally. This process takes more time and more work, both on the part of the individual seeking work and the career counselor/coach.

So, you must be willing to do the work and spend the time. It is your life and worth the investment and self reflection. We are all in this together and no matter how it may feel at times, you are not alone.

Be brave, take the first steps, keep moving. Tomorrow will be here before we know it.